sprite writes
broodings from the burrow

October 14, 2021

mental space and energy
posted by soe 1:31 am

Honestly, my decision-making abilities have been down the toilet for a while. Sometimes I know I’m making a questionable decision, but the thought of having to prolong it outweighs the smarter voice. And sometimes I’m so caught in the mental vortex of trying to do too much with too few reserves that I’m literally going in circles from one task to another, without ever actually getting any of it done. I understand that sitting down and tackling one thing at a time is the smarter decision, but I don’t have the ability anymore to distinguish which thing needs focus until we’re in a danger zone.

I keep putting one foot in front of another, which counts for something, but honestly it counts for less and less every day. Can I call out exhausted for the rest of the year?

I need to refill my emotional and mental coffers, but the trip to Salt Lake doesn’t really seem likely to offer that. And I’m starting to wonder if this is just going to be life from now on, with nothing ever being great again. (To be fair, nothing is horrific either. Everyone is healthy and safe and I realize how lucky I am that I’m starting from that baseline.). I know everyone is struggling and my situation is neither unique nor interesting, but without getting some prolonged space and energy to recharge, I just don’t see how to keep the daily grind from grinding me up, too.

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