So… I got word today that I will be necessary to the infrastructure of our organization’s annual meeting — which falls over the weekend of my 35th birthday. (It’s also the weekend of Valentine’s Day. Leave it to scientists to expect people to leave their loved ones on the most romantic holiday of the year…)

I admit I’m disappointed; I was hoping that this year I’d be able to have my birthday to myself — at home with my friends. But part of the whole thing about expecting the best to happen is that sometimes you’re dropped on your head. Oh well…

So, I thought I’d remind myself that spending my birthday with 300 or so elementary school kids playing (educational) video games is not nearly as bad as it could be. Here are 35 far worse ways to spend your birthday:

1. Having a loved one have to go to the hospital. (I’ve lived through this. My (now-dead) grandmother had a heart attack on my tenth birthday.)
2. Having a loved one die. (One of my grandfathers died on my brother’s birthday.)
3. Suffering a heart attack.
4. In surgery.
5. In Gitmo.
6. Aboard a sinking ship.
7. Being attacked by a shark.
8. Working as a sales clerk on the day after Thanksgiving or Christmas.
9. Involved in a high-speed car chase.
10. Being held up.
11. Witnessing a car crash.
12. Working in a morgue.
13. In a room full of social conservatives.
14. Serving a life sentence for a crime you didn’t commit.
15. On a plane that crash lands in the river.
16. Caught on the Pennsylvania Turnpike in a blizzard.
17. Losing your home.
18. Having to put a pet to sleep.
19. Stuck in a movie theater watching distressing movies.
20. Being groped.
21. Stuck in the Third Street Tunnel.
22. In need of a bathroom without one in sight.
23. Being forced to eat watermelon.
24. At a book burning.
25. Trapped in quicksand (particularly after battling ROUSes).
26. Falling asleep on the nest of biting ants.
27. At a slaughterhouse.
28. In the path of a tornado.
29. At a Ku Klux Klan rally.
30. Caught in a fire.
31. Suffering from kidney stones.
32. Birthing a baby.
33. Being indicted on corruption charges.
34. At an all-day elementary school band concert.
35. Being shot at by a sniper.

Feel free to add to my list…

(I would be remiss if I didn’t thank my boss (hi Suzanne!) who tried hard to give me a nice birthday present.)