If last weekend was filled so completely that I didn’t have time to think about my situation, this weekend was not filled sufficiently. There was too much time on my own, too much time spent in my own head, too much time thinking about how things could have gone differently (not just about being downsized; it was a fun spiral that ran the gamut from dishwashing to grad school).

I realize this is a loss, and while I am not especially upset at having to find another job (that’s not entirely true; I’m looking forward to having a new job I love, but not to finding one), I am still at a loss for the sudden way in which losing the old one occurred. And losses take time and energy to deal with, and there is a grieving process. I’d like to hope that being aware this is what’s going on means that it won’t last too much longer, but I’d be lying if my own consciousness of a problem has historically indicated any ability to move through it with alacrity. But there’s a first time for everything, I suppose. And as long as I realize there’s the potential for this to become a problem, I can take the steps necessary to guard against it — rising earlier, getting out into the sunshine, exercising, talking to people… — and to take further steps if necessary.

I literally keep telling myself to suck it up and power through this, and I will. Just maybe not in ten days. Everyone who kept being surprised when I said I was going to just take a single day to wallow may have had a clearer picture than I did about that aspect of things. So, yes, my plan of thirds is still roughly going to hold true. But I think I will reorder things for the time being so that the self-care comes first and that I’m not dragging myself outside at 4 p.m. in pursuit of a flagging sun.

Because the days will roll past whether I see the sun in person or not, but they’ll sure feel a lot more pleasant if I do.

A killing frost is a possibility tonight and later this week, so Rudi and I headed down to the garden this afternoon to pull out the last of the Thai basil and pick any peppers that were big enough to do something with (I have dozens of pepper nubbins on the plant still, so I’m hopeful for the forest will offer enough buffer to keep them alive a while yet. This is somewhat early for a freeze here, lately.)

I still had a few flowers on my lavender, and the violets that have popped up in the garden this fall are still providing pops of color amidst the fallen leaves I keep on the ground to insulate the roots.

We also helped ourselves to fallen figs and persimmon from the trees by the park. I don’t know who planted fruit trees there, but we appreciate the bounty!

Today was grey and dreary and involved a trip to the vet for our older cat, Jeremiah, whom, I suspect is suffering from kidney disease. I expect to hear from the vet on Monday that it’s time to start him on a regimen of fluids. But other than a little stiffness when he first gets moving after a nap and some excess thirst, I think he’s doing well for a 16-year-old cat.

While the weekend is looking drier and sunnier, it’s also looking chilly, which means that I’ll be breaking out the woolens. Here’s some of what I’m hoping the weekend includes:

• Donate some more books to the Friends of sale at the library.
• Go on a couple bike rides in the sunshine.
• Bake an apple crisp. (I made applesauce tonight.)
• Poach my quince. (The top ones in the bowl remain unblemished, but I noticed the one at the bottom has become less pristine over time.)
• Take photos of some socks.
• Write some book reviews.
• Finish reading Lethal White.
• Buy a couple plants at the local nursery’s end-of-season sale and plant them in the garden. (They had strawberries and arugula when I stopped by earlier this week.)
• Water my African violets. (I watered the orchids when I brought them home from the office, but the violets are probably parched.)
• Do laundry. (Including wool socks, which means I need to stop by the yarn shop for more wool wash.)

How about you? What are you planning to do this weekend?

Three beautiful things from my past week:

1. No job means I don’t have to get up early right now, so I don’t.

2. People have been very kind in offering their support and suggestions of places I might apply for a new job.

3. We’ve seen three movies in the past week (two for cheap; one for free). I didn’t love them all, but I love getting to go to the theater. We’ll be back next Friday at the latest for the new Fantastic Beasts film’s opening night.

How about you? What’s been beautiful in your world lately?

Moping is excellent for making progress on stripey socks, so as soon as the sun returns, I’ll have some FO shots for you. In the meantime, take a gander at this washed-out photo that I’m not going to retake tonight. I bought this yarn back in March, with the intent of knitting complementary Christmas socks (cranberry and frost are the colorways), and the time has come to set that plan into motion. I think. Unless I decide to knit something else with them. Time will tell.

I picked up the latest Robert Galbraith book, Lethal White, yesterday after voting, but didn’t have the energy to start it until tonight. I’m already enjoying it quite a bit! This is good, because Barbara Kingsolver’s Unsheltered, which is about two families 150 years apart facing tenuous futures with regards to their finances/employment/housing, is feeling much less enjoyable than it did a week ago. I have tremendous faith in Kingsolver, though, and know she will plot a path through this difficulty that will leave me feeling better about the situation than I do now. But when both books get too stressful, I’m ready to begin a re-read of The Prisoner of Azkaban, which has the added benefit of staying open in my lap while I knit.

You can check out As Kat Knits to see what everyone else is reading and knitting as we head into the woolly months of the year.

Life handed me a surprise change in fate last week when my office announced a major reorganization and let a large number of us, including me, go.

I’d been contemplating a job change for a while, since while what I was doing was interesting, it wasn’t what I was passionate about. But I was comfortable, I liked the people I worked with, and I was afforded enough freedom in the breadth and accomplishment of my tasks to keep me content, if not happy, so I didn’t pursue the hunt with much vigor, dismissing job listings frequently and applying for new positions rarely. Obviously that approach no longer works.

In my better moments, I’m inclined to look at this change in fortune as an adventure: Who knows what the future holds?! There are a great many possible paths before me yet, and I am okay with experimentation. When traveling places in real life, I like to look at the big picture, plot a rough line to my destination, and then wing it, much to the frustration of those companions who prefer a plotted course. I figure that this jaunt to my next career will likely take a similar approach, and I am okay with that.

I have some ideas about what I might like to do, but remain open to what the winds blow before me. I had an older coworker at one point who said you don’t have to figure out what you want to do when you grow up; you just have to figure out what you want to do next. I can do that. After all, I’ve just spent 15 years working on projects that I never would have chosen if left to my own devices, and I’m probably the better for it. And I have a healthy appreciation for the role of whimsy in decision-making.

My current game plan is to divide my time up into thirds: a third will be devoted to job hunting, professional development, and other career-related tasks; a third will go toward getting our apartment cleaned up (because we were already short on space before I brought 15 years’ worth of odds and ends home from the office); and a third will go toward personal enrichment and mental health care, so that when I do find that next position I’ll be able to enter it as my best self.

Obviously, though, if you can send some good thoughts my way, I’d appreciate that.