sprite writes
broodings from the burrow

February 14, 2011


37
posted by soe 11:14 pm

I think the secret of contentment must be in managing expectations. You see it often in self-help programs — for instance, in those abuse cessation programs that instruct you to live one day at a time and in yoga classes that remind you not to let your mind wander to tasks other than your breathing and your position.

Today was my birthday. I like birthdays in general and mine in particular, and I a big fuss. But I also recognize that not every year can be filled with fireworks and am perfectly content to settle for a little fuss and some out-of-the-ordinary activities. So for the last few days, I had been thinking up plans of how to fill the time before people had time to hang out with me in the evening. I had the day off and was going to start out early (for me) and pack the day full of exciting things like buying tulips and seeing lion cubs at the zoo and attending high tea or maybe a yoga class.

However, I’m not really an early (even for me) kind of girl and, when left to my own devices, find it really hard to get out of the Burrow before three in the afternoon. (My boss always finds it comforting to hear that it’s not just workdays when I have difficulty getting out the door in a timely fashion.)

And today was no different. I didn’t move quickly. Della wasn’t being overly cooperative about eating. I had put laundry on before going to bed that still needed to be hung up. I couldn’t find the jam I wanted and then when I picked a substitute, I couldn’t get the lid open. I had to address some envelopes I wanted to send out in today’s mail. So, I didn’t leave home until nearly three and when I walked out the door, I couldn’t decide which direction to go in, knowing there definitely was no longer enough time to fit everything in.

Ultimately, I pointed myself toward the metro, which took me up to the zoo. I had forgotten that during the winter season they pull the animals in earlier, so I just missed the lion cubs. However, I did get to see zebras and elephants and lemurs and red pandas. I also saw barred owls and flamingos, who all kicked up quite a racket.

I admit to periodic episodes of loneliness and twinges of disappointment. If I’d just gotten out the door earlier… If someone else were with me… If I’d checked the website… The day hung in the balance each time and could easily have gone south if I’d followed the mangled expectation. But each time I followed up those negative feelings with a deep breath and the thought, “So what if this wasn’t what I had planned? This is a nice way to spend a day, too.” It was sunny and warm. I was wearing green sneakers and striped socks with hearts on them and a purple scarf and had dyed my hair pink. I was getting to see animals who did not expect me to feed them or break up their fights or clean up after them.

By the time I left the zoo, the sun was behind the trees and the wind had kicked up a chilly bluster, encouraging me to shrug my jacket on. But it did not deter me from stopping to get a free ice cream cone at Baskin Robbins or taking the scenic route home through Kalorama. I danced along to my iPod and even sang along with some of the songs when I felt so moved. (One of the drawbacks of living in the city is that you always have to be mindful of whose airspace you’re invading with your noise. So singing out loud in a residential neighborhood is pushing it a bit.)

I stopped back by the Burrow to bring in the mail, read a happy birthday email, and create a few Valentine’s cards to take with me to dinner with friends. A timeout wasn’t part of the plan, but it helped not to try to squeeze in one more thing that would ultimately have put me behind schedule and stressed.

We were going to be late and, with no bus in sight, we sprang for a cab, which sped us right to our destination before anyone else arrived. We found a table where, as everyone wandered in, the right number of seats opened up. The pizza was hot and the birch beer was cold. Everyone I invited was able to come, and Susan and Phillip brought Holden, who was in an upbeat mood and was content to be dandled on Sarah’s or my lap.

I know one of the thing that triggers stress for me is not getting to talk to the people who are important in my life, particularly on my birthday. But I hate interrupting my time with those I’m with in person to talk to the people who are far away; it leaves me cranky about the fact that I haven’t had good conversations with anyone even though I’ve been in touch with everyone. So this year I let the phone calls go to voicemail. It wasn’t part of the plan, but it was a nice way to deal with things. I had messages from everyone from afar, and I’ll make a point of returning those calls over the next few days. We’ll actually get to talk for more than just a couple of minutes. And tonight I got to feel like I was wholly with the people who’d carved out time to have dinner with me.

Rudi and I caught the bus home and had time to put the kettle on before Castle, one of our favorite tv shows, came on. Rudi sang to me (because instead of sulking about it afterward, I proactively requested “Happy Birthday” as we were walking to the bus stop), and we drank tea and ate cupcakes that Rudi had bought from our favorite bakery (we’d sent the other cupcakes home with folks after dinner).

We finished the night with presents and cards from my folks, Gramma, and Rudi. He liked my Valentine’s Day gifts and I liked his, as well as the birthday present of tickets to see Katy Perry this summer. (I gave myself the gift of yarn early in the day, which was a perfectly lovely gift, and I complimented myself on knowing just what I wanted.)

We sat on the couch together and Della hopped up to join us. And … that was it. No fireworks. No gala event. But no tears or hysterical meltdowns either. And, you know what? I’ll take it. I’ll take a perfectly nice day with a sense of contentment at the end of it. I ate my favorite foods. I sang songs and soaked up sunshine. My favorite D.C. people all sat down at the same table to have dinner with me. My favorite non-D.C. people called to say they were thinking of me. And my favorite Burrow residents are all asleep, waiting for me to join them. I can think of no better way to finish out my birthday.

Category: life -- uncategorized. There is/are 3 Comments.



Sounds like a lovely way to spend a birthday, and a lovely attitude to have abut it all. Good job!

Comment by Jenn 02.15.11 @ 6:17 am

Hi Sprite…just stopping by to say hello and happy birthday!

Comment by Lynne 02.15.11 @ 2:31 pm

@Jenn: It was, and thanks!

@Lynne: Thank you!

Comment by soe 02.18.11 @ 12:02 am