I’ve started several drafts trying to talk about the unrest here in D.C. and across the country.

I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that the president has declared martial law in my city and has brought police forces in who do not answer to my duly elected officials.

I am trying to come to terms with the role my white privilege plays in the larger concerns over racist policing and governmental policies, as well as my own cowardice at thwarting the curfew and going to join people whose anger I believe is justified and their cause righteous.

And I am trying to figure out what concrete steps I can take to help find real solutions to complex problems that seem outside of my hands.

But maybe the first one is to get involved with electing leaders again who want to glorify the good of the people, rather than themselves, and who are willing to put energy and resources toward finding consensus and real world solutions.

I’m not going to lie: It was not the best weekend. To be fair, it was far from the country’s best weekend, so to expect mine to stand out is probably both unfair and tone deaf.

Right now, District residents are under a curfew until 6 a.m., in part due to several nights of incidents that arose in the aftermath of police violence against Black Americans and protests against it. (The incidents include several fires, including some in the vicinity of my office.)

I’d like to think that we are all safer because of the curfew, but it’s less because then people won’t be out causing mischief, but more because police seem emboldened in cities across our country to flash white power signs and to use seemingly unwarranted force against citizens peacefully exercising their Constitutionally guaranteed right to assemble and the media exercising theirs to report on news.

D.C.’s police force is usually relatively restrained when dealing with protestors, in part because D.C. so often hosts large rallies. But this weekend’s responses has left me worried about even our seasoned force. They are not without their problems and this situation seems rife with opportunity for bad behavior in clashes with an agitated public.

But at the same time as people have acted out in horrible ways against their fellow humans, I’ve also heard about an outpouring of support — donations of money and physical labor to damaged businesses, funds to raise bail for protestors jailed over the weekend, food, water, and milk (to combat the tear gas) shared, people looking out for each other’s kids, for each other. Once again, in the wake of a great American tragedy, we are looking for the helpers. It’s just too bad that they don’t seem to be the people many of us (white people) had been led to expect.

The sky was lovely early this morning.

D.C. began loosening restrictions today, which includes things like opening parks, but not playgrounds; letting restaurants seat people at a distance outside, but not in; and asking people to observe a “stay at home lite” life.

As such, Rudi and I took a drive uptown for takeout pizza and a quick trip to the grocery store this evening, which is pretty much what we’ve done every third Friday since mid-April.

I have to spend some time working this weekend, but here’s what else I’m hoping to do:

• Read in the park.
• Take more beer to the garden slugs. They are hard partiers, despite knowing the consequences. Harvest things while I’m there and consider planting beans.
• Pull together some library materials to take back later this week, since branch libraries are slowly going to allow curbside pickup.
• Watch the rocket launch.
• Really put winter away, since I didn’t follow through on that last weekend and since this week highlighted the need for tshirts over sweaters.
• Make crackers. Apparently that’s one of the things I can do with my sourdough.
• Bike down to Constitution Garden to see the ducklings.
• Drink daiquiris.
• Do laundry. I should probably launder the reusable bags we have that can be washed. Plus I need cleans masks again.
• Get a takeaway drink from one of the local restaurants that have been shuttered for months.

What are you hoping to do this final weekend of May?

Three beautiful things from my past week:

1. The honeysuckle was on point last weekend. I don’t know if, like birdsong, it’s just normal and we’re better able to perceive it because of less pollution or if it is, in fact, a great year for it. Either way, though, and the scent just filled the air.

2. Rudi picked up an avocado at the store while out this afternoon, so we got to have guacamole for a post-work treat.

3. My new tshirt arrived at the of the week. It was a fundraiser for World Central Kitchen, José Andrés’ charity that feeds people in disaster-stricken areas, and features a heart wearing a face mask.

How about you? What’s been beautiful in your world lately?

Glory be! D.C.’s parks are likely going to reopen on Friday. I took this shot as I passed by our park recently. I’m sad I wasn’t able to hang out there during iris season, but obviously public safety is more important than my desire to spend time in pretty places.

If I can get my act together to actually shut my computer down at 3 when the “office” “closes” on Friday, I am absolutely going to take a book up to the park and sit up there and read. (Work is super busy with personnel transitions this week and next and lots of deadlines coming up or overdue, so it may be closer to 5, but still…) I will probably take one of our portable chairs with me, because I don’t really want to touch shared surfaces any more than necessary, but I am going to be outside!

Phase 1 of reopening also allows people to get haircuts, but not pedicures. I’m not really sure what the specific difference is there, but I’m not going for either anytime soon.