I’m not sure if particulates from the Western fires have made their way across the country or what, but the sunset tonight was just incredible.

Since I don’t have to spend all weekend working, the next few days stretch before me luxuriously. Here’s how I hope to fill them:

• Sleeping in: No obligations tomorrow and Rudi is off on a bike ride with friends.
• Gardening: The back section of my garden is out of control. Plus, Now is the time to put in seeds for lettuce so that I have plants by the time the cool weather comes around.
• Finishing my sock: And thinking what to work on during the Tour de France this year.
• Reading: I’m quite enjoying the book I’m reading, even if it isn’t all happy. Also, I should probably head to Arlington to return my book.
• Going to the farmers market: I wonder what Rudi would think about getting a box of seconds tomatoes for saucing.
• Doing laundry: Doesn’t it feel like I should have less clothing to wash during the pandemic? (Other than masks, of course.)
• Holding an ’80s dance party: It’s been a while, and it’s time.
• Making dill pickles: Our bread & butter ones came out really well, so it’s time to expand our repertoire.

What’s on your weekend to-do list?

I just came back from moving the car. After Rudi came home from a late-evening drive to the grocery store and garden, he parked it on one of the two streets we live at the corner of. It’s the one that has designated weekday rush hour no parking zones, and while they may be lifted during the current emergency, we aren’t so positive there won’t be enforcement that we’re willing to risk the ticket.

We forgot to take the keys with us when we went out to the park after work ended for me tonight and Rudi told me not to worry about it when I went to grab him the key when we came home.

Obviously he meant I shouldn’t worry about it because I could just move it later before I came to bed. (Actually, I’m glad I suddenly remembered it. We have only forgotten to move our car … twice maybe? … in the seventeen years we’ve lived here. But it’s not a lesson you really need to learn more than once a decade.)

Anyway, I wore a mask out to move the car because our stairs up to the sidewalk parallel the sidewalk, so you just never know what’s going to be waiting for you in the city, even after midnight. But once I was in the car, I took it off, and I didn’t have to put it back on for the block and a half it took to walk home from where I parked the car legally.

That’s the furthest I’ve walked outside without a mask since April.

Who could have imagined the world we live in right now?

Three days down, one to go with this particular work event. By six tomorrow evening, I should be free to enjoy the weekend.

As with many of the things I do with this job, the work is new and challenging — and requires a lot of me. I learn a lot and I help those in real need (more directly than I might otherwise have expected) and I get to work with some pretty spectacular people, both from my organization and from the larger community. I’d like to think that I’m getting to be better at what I do each day.

But there is definitely a psychic toll to a job where one is always learning and always helping and where the need stretches on indefinitely before you. And that is maybe where I struggle most with this position, particularly now.

In a pre-COVID world, I would have taken trips to the beach and would have spent Friday evenings watching outdoor movies or at concerts under the stars with friends. I would have played volleyball a couple times a week and gone swimming on the weekend and biked to cafes to read while leisurely sipping lemonade. I would have gone to see my parents every couple of months and had rejuvenating lunches with my best friend. I would have taken time away from work to recharge.

And with none of those things really being an option anymore, I’m just not doing that. Even now, as I’m writing this on a Saturday night, I’m thinking about how I need to put together a document for tomorrow morning and wondering if I should open my work laptop to just get it done.

As my boss keeps telling me (from beneath her own, even taller mountain of work), I need to find some time to take off to avoid burning out. But how do I do that and what do I do when I’m not supposed to travel (even though so many other people seem to be disregarding that)? Work will continue to be only a few feet away no matter what.

Please don’t think that I’m really complaining (although I’m definitely whining). I know how lucky I am. So many people are facing real hardship, and my challenges finding balance are insignificant compared to those facing health issues and economic insecurity and having to make life-and-death choices about sending their kids to school and reporting for work and being safe in a myriad of other ways.

So as the world’s tiniest violin plays, I will go and wash the dishes and then get some sleep. Because whether I recharge enough or not, the work awaits again in the morning.

My office is holding a meeting this weekend, so I worked tonight and will work tomorrow and Sunday afternoons, as well.

I’m hoping to squeeze in a little time outside before each workday begins (including a trip to the farmers market on Sunday) and am planning on slamming my laptop closed and running back out as soon as we hit the “leave” button on Zoom each evening. Keep your fingers crossed that the weather gods cooperate with that plan.

Have a great weekend! I expect you all to fill it with loafing and outdoor time and sleeping in on my behalf.

Seen growing in one of the school beds near my garden: